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I’m cut off, out of the loop, back of the line. Can’t get a word in, can’t feel your body close to mine., And yeah, it’s really quite more painful than it sounds. I can’t believe we’re losing the connection that we found. I’m heavy with the weight of missing you, my dear, and I would tell you how but you’re too far away to hear. That this was the worst day, cause this was the first day that you’re gone. I would like to think you’re okay without me and your happy thoughts are rarely about me. You’re so worth all of this torture. I’m fucked up, end of the noose, back of the line. I feel sick when I think of the life I left behind. And yeah, it’s really quite more painful then it sounds. You barely gave a fuck before my body hit the ground. This is the hardest time to keep your head up. This is the hardest time to feel safe and sound.
DEAD END DREAMS
I don’t know how old I am, I don’t know if I’m grown up. I feel good when I hold your hand, but when your gone it’s not enough. I’m busy trying to save my world, and making plans to see a girl. I’ll do both if I can and figure out how old I am. I’ve got nothing to show for these dead end dreams. My heart will ache again, it seems. Cause you’re not in my arms and all I want to do is keep my promises to you. I don’t know what to write to you, I don’t know what your dream boy sings. I don’t know what I’m addicted to, it’s at least a few different things… Just a few. How could I save the world? Too busy trying to see a girl. I’ll do both if I can, and figure out how old I am. If there was any attempt to make ends meet I’ll meet you half way there. Nothing to show for these dead end dreams that constantly haunt me.
Somethings weird, I’ve been running on empty. Sick since you left me. It eats me alive like a million diseases. I’m torn into pieces. And what could mean the most I could never express. I’m such a weak boy, but I will save you regardless. Somethings weird, from the moment I met you. It’s stupid to let you just slip away. It won’t happen so easy I wont let you leave me., Look at us how could we really be further apart. I’ve been dying just to kiss you and I missed you so much from the start. I’ve been trying to pretend that the problems, they will end… And it breaks my heart. I’m at the bottom of your list of things to do I’ll never get through to you. What could mean the most… I could never express.
I know my eyes have bear witness to this whole scene before. When the road ends the nightmare begins. The fighting never stops and I will never truly win. “But make it count. It’s plain to see.” Sorry, but it’s not the most beautiful view from my knees. Tried to be a friend but I’m shot down again. Sorry, for a second I thought I was supposed to believe in me. State roads, provide me with the privacy that I’ve never known. Going through the motions across the oceans, or being so fed up with missing her I’m staying home. Lost at sea, I miss my family. My house and my street are so far away from me. I tried hard just to tell you the truth but I know more now then I ever knew. I keep telling myself to forget about you. You and me were just a couple of kids who said, “We can do anything,” and that’s what we did. But my life will be a rock on your headstone, begging you to never rise again.
I stare out of my window and I look at my neighbors and take notes on being normal. How to wave and be nice, or talk to a child, or offer a hand, or actually smile. Maybe I’ll learn how to talk to people. Maybe I’ll learn how to laugh. Maybe I’ll end up just like my dad, but I just don’t feel like a grownup yet. I stare out of my window and I count the days cause my life’s so fucking pointless. I could talk and be nice, or light up a joint, or go be a friend, but what is the point?
I`ll hang on to these last words. The ones you whisper in my ear before you turn yourself away from me. For the last time, I`m convinced the sun will never rise again. It`s likely that you`ll find me before long, crawling up your driveway. Begging you for attention, I don`t care if you come outside. Just please pick up your phone and tell me that theres someone out there for me and one day I`ll be in love for real. But I would tell you your wrong. I`ve already found her and shes held up in her room milking me for a song. This driveway is starting to feel like home. I`ll sleep outside your house and wait for you to come out. In the morning I`ll kiss you and tell you I miss you this has to be figured out. My nerves are shot right now I wish that I was too but I`m not. All I have is you. Till the morning light I lie awake because I need you by my side. Don`t know if I will make it to the morning light. You`ve given me no faith in what tommorrow might bring. If there was a price on your love I would sell everything, and it hurts so bad to know that your okay through it all.
LOVE YOUR FRIENDS DIE LAUGHING
Well the night gets old so I’m back again. The day just started because I’m up with my old friends, the fat smoke and funny joke. Sitting like a sponge, letting everything soak. And I just got the nerve to get in the cage so don’t bite me now. We made love tonight as the result of a fight. When you put your arms around me the whole worlds alright. And a days worth of bitching goes down the drain when you lay in my bed and pick my brain. Shut up! It’s my turn to talk. Don’t try and run before you learn to walk. Because a days worth of bitching goes down the drain when you lay in my bed and pick my brain. I left my heart with my phone in my center console. I left my feelings with my wallet and my keys I feel so stupid because I came here without anything, but I’m finally at ease.
Dear you, This has got to be one of the last heartfelt things I can put together on a piece of paper to let you know. Fading away at a sickening rate can put things in perspective for you. You`ve always been the only one and I need you to know I do live everyday without any regret of falling back into you. We hold heads high while bullets fly. Last drink of a lonely night and all I wanted was to hold you. I wrote some lonely lyrics to paint a picture to let you know. Bleeding to death laying in your bed I realized that I`ll always need you. You’ve always been the only one and I need you to know I do… I know that I’ve been asking a lot but, would you run away with me right now. I’ve got the whole world figured out.
THE ABSOLUTE WORST
I got a funny feeling no ones ever put you in your place, Or spit the bullshit right back in your face, You never had an ounce of promise within you, Every word you says a lie so please don’t continue, You bitch, I’m too good for someone like you anyway, Because girls like you are the absolute worst, I really tried to like you but you messed it up first, Because girls like you are as bad as they come, Go crawl back to wherever you came from, And your cute little boyfriend he can catch words too, I really just gotta hate him for loving you, If what he wants is a fight then alright, You were tough on the phone but you went soft for the night, You bitch, I’m too good for someone like you anyway, (Don’t make me say it again), Because kids like you are the absolute worst, I really tried to like you but you messed it up first, Because kids like you are as bad as they come, Go crawl back to wherever you came from, Because girls like you are the absolute worst, I really tried to like you but you messed it up first, Because girls like you are as bad as they come, Go crawl back to wherever you came from, Because guys like you are the absolute worst, I really tried to like you but you messed it up first, Because guys like you are as bad as they come, Go crawl back to wherever you came from
You could say one of two things. Call me sometime or let`s hang out. Or maybe I could help you out. Stop acting like you`ll ever see me again, and like I don`t have you figured out. I understand how it works. On paper, we are similar people. I understand how it works. On paper, we are similar people. But we`re different people. You are tearing down walls I built untill they scraped the sky. So tell your wrecking crew, I welcome you. When the days slow down this summer don`t forget. I did two years in your silouhette . Your jaws of steel never forgave. Its haunting, the way silence sounded. If I fucked up long ago I`m sorry, I didn`t realize it counted. It just wouldn’t work out, that’s what I am telling myself. That we`re just two different people.
It’s eleven thirty at night, and your in your bed nice and tight. Maybe your dreaming of me I am calling you, I am wishing you were here. I hope I didn`t annoy you today. If I did you answered anyway. Now I am laying in my bed I am hearing you wishing I could feel too. I miss her. I wanted to tell her. I spoke to myself in the mirror for awhile tonight. I made a promise that I would never fuck up having you in my life. To be honest…I think your my favorite girl I ever met. I bought a new notebook for the road. Covered it with your area code. Over and over again, It’s tattooed by the pen and I wish it was my home. `Cause I kinda hate everyone I know and lately I’ve been feeling so low. Come get inside my bed you make me feel dead by being out there in the Unknown. I just wanted to tell her.
Just like a dream….she called me kinda late last night. `Said that she knew everything and all those pretty little words came out. And just like I planned, she fell into my arms again, and I could pretend that I would lie with her forever and wait for the end. You’re right, we should be together. Tonight, I could make it better if I just gave up on my stupid little fantasy world. You’re right, that was a fake smile and you’re right, I am in denial. I should just go home to my perfect little fantasy girl. You’re my fantasy girl. Just like I said…she crept back up inside my bed. `Said that she missed everything and all those words that made me fall came out. Just like a trap, everything just fell right back and we were on track. I could lie with her all night now and wait to react.
Always turning out for the worst, you were always my most consistant curse. Now I hope this gets you kind of heated, or stings a little if you even read it. Bringing everyone down, you left this house feeling empty, but it’s better then feeling like it’s burning to the ground. I can’t live with you around anymore. You’re blocking out the sound outside my door. I found more. I can’t remember all the times that I almost had bruised eyes for being on your side. Now I hope that someone gets to ya, and if I`m there I`ll pretend I never knew ya. See you around, you were alright back when we were young, but you don’t compare to anything that I`ve found. I wrote you down a letter before I went to sleep, it had all the secrets I could no longer keep, I held them in for so long I was going to break but maybe now I can rest and you will lay awake.
I figured I’d go at the least to check in cause I just miss her grin and to show, that I didn’t really never wanna see you again… and my heart caves in when I look at you… this is so hard. Do you take pictures off the walls when you know I’m coming to your room, do you hide all the stuffed animals the other boys bought for you… I wasn’t surprised she was chillen lookin hot in her bed smoking pot and i kept my distance i was a “good boy”
I took the same route to school. I’m almost late again, even though I woke up at six AM. I’ve been dreaming of something that right now is still nothing but it could become my world once the day is through. She could become my everything or a whisper in my ear across a highway. I would cross a highway to catch you. To catch you would be all that I can honestly ask for from you. It’s something about the way she falls back asleep. It’s eight-thirty and in her textbook she’s waist deep. And it could be a sign when she wakes up she’s looking at me. Right at me. And I don’t know how many times that I would have to ask her if I’m dreaming. The way her hair falls on top of her shoulders makes me feel like screaming.